The Power of Failing

Failing is just a part of life. We lie to ourselves, believing that we won’t fail, and when we do, we rationalize why it happened. Our imposter syndrome kicks in, and we struggle to accept the truth, let alone share it with anyone. When we fail, the most common reaction is to quit and hide or to repeat the process while claiming that we did it differently. The truth is, we did not learn from failure; we just become the definition of insanity, hoping that one of our efforts will stick and actually work.

As humans, we are full of pride and have massive egos. It’s never our fault when we fail. We latch onto anything to tell the world, “I didn’t fail; it was this or that—or maybe even this—but I didn’t fail.” Here’s the hard truth: you failed. Accept it, and accept it fully. Now, what do you do?

In my life, I have failed at many things—relationships, being a parent, work, goals, and even in my career in powerlifting. Failing is supposed to teach us something new, but it has always been the hardest pill to swallow. I never set out to fail in any of those areas. I always believed I was on the right track. The dreams felt so real that they seemed just within reach, but it hasn’t been that easy. I’ve spent more time in my life facing setback after setback, starting over, and then doing it again. Let me tell you, it becomes very hard and very tiring.

So, what got in the way? Let me break it down using my experience in powerlifting. My first bomb-out came after the birth of my son, moving, opening my garage gym, and taking seven people to a competition. I was repeating the same training that had worked so well before. In the peak phase, I attempted a few lifts that I thought should have been personal records to confirm my progress. Sadly, they weren’t, and with pride and ego in hand, I refused to lower any of my numbers. I went to the competition and bombed out.

After the competition, I went back to fix what I thought was wrong. I “changed” my training around and tried to prove I could do it big. Nope, that’s not what happened. I went back and did what I had done before, and shortly before my next competition, I backed out. Everything hurt, and I felt less than prepared, knowing it wouldn’t be what I wanted.

So, what did I do differently? I got a coach and let him take the lead. I shut up and followed his guidance. Although this approach has brought some successes, it still has its setbacks. In fact, I bombed out again, but this time I was in the best shape I’d ever been in and suffered a near career-ending injury.

At this point, you might be thinking, “Why the hell are you still doing this?” The answer isn’t just about the sport of powerlifting; it applies to many aspects of my life. First, I believe that if something is put on your heart—let’s call it a calling—it will linger in your thoughts, whether it’s the first thing on your mind in the morning or the last thought at night. This could be a person, a place, or a goal, but whatever it is, it won’t go away, no matter how much you try to bury it. If it’s not just a cat-and-mouse game, then it’s worth pursuing.

Second, failing has taught me to look in the mirror at myself. This is something I truly believe many people don’t want to do. We are often full of pride and ego. The mirror has shown me things I don’t like about myself, making it clear that I am the issue standing in the way of my own path. We create our own hells; now imagine if we focused on creating our own heavens.

Third, once you identify this, you realize you don’t need to keep changing jobs, gyms, coaches, relationships, or anything else—you need to change yourself. Everything in your life starts and ends with you and no one else.

So, what is the power of failing? It’s the power that fosters growth and change. If you fight hard enough to learn from it, failure can lead you to where you want to go and who you want to be. The only thing you need to do differently is accept that it happens and get out of your own way.